Numbers 5 - 9: Last minute rules before we FINALLY hit the road

"Back to business," says God. "Anyone who has leprosy as I outlined back in Leviticus, they have to stay out of the camp. Don't want to go starting an epidemic or anything."

"Yep," says Moses, "we've kicked them all out."

"Good," says God. "Now, anyone who commits a sin and then realizes that they've committed a sin has to confess and then make it right, plus twenty percent added for damages. And if the person they've wronged doesn't have any next of kin, the payment goes to the priest. Plus they have to sacrifice a ram for atonement."

"But what if they don't realize they've committed a sin?" asks Moses.

"What? Oh...," says God. "Um... I guess if they don't realize it, it means that you didn't explain the sins clearly enough to them. It's pretty straightforward."

"Not really," says Moses. "It's an awful lot to remember and some of it is pretty random."

"You want random?" says God angrily, "I'll give you random. If a man suspects that his wife is cheating on him, or even if he's just jealous, he should bring that cheating whore and a grain offering down to the temple. The priest will mix up all the dust and ash and disgusting bits from around the temple floor, mix it with water and force her to drink this cursed water. If she cheated, the water will make her womb swell and her thigh fall away and make her miscarry and make her barren forever. But if she hasn't cheated then nothing bad will happen. But no matter what happens, the man isn't ever at fault."

"Yep. That's pretty random," says Moses. "What else?"

"If someone wants to be extra-holy, they can take a special Nazirite vow. Men and women can both do this. They can't drink wine or eat anything made with grapes or cut their hair or go near a dead body, even if it's a close family member."

"What if he's standing there and someone standing next to him just suddenly keels over dead?" asks Aaron.

"Hm." God thinks a bit and says, "Well then he would have to shave his head, then shave it again seven days later, then sacrifice a couple of birds and a lamb, and then he has to start all over. All that time before that he was being extra-holy doesn't count. And then, when he's done being extra holy, he has to sacrifice a male lamb, a ewe, and a goat, grain offerings, bread offerings, and drink offerings. Then he has to shave his head in the temple and burn his hair on the altar. He can offer more if he can afford it, but that's the minimum."

Aaron's blessing is essentially "Live Long and Prosper"

"I thought of a poem," God continues. "Tell Aaron to tell everyone this blessing."

"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”


(According to wiki, this Priestly Blessing is the oldest known biblical text.)

In preparation to leave, the twelve tribes consecrate the temple. Each tribe sacrifices animals and gives tribute, one tribe per day for 12 days. When Moses goes into the tent of meeting afterward, the voice of God speaks to him from over the mercy seat of the ark.


"Set up the lamps and consecrate the people from the Levites so that they can serve me, since they are mine," says God. Moses and Aaron get everyone consecrated and ready to serve.


God continues, "Levites don't have to serve me forever. They can retire at 50. And by retire I mean they're demoted to guard duty."

They then celebrate Passover.

While the tabernacle is set up, there is a column of cloud over it all day long and an pillar of fire over it all night.  Whenever the cloud disappears, the people pack up and continue on their trip.  If it stays over the tabernacle, they stay where they are.