Monday, April 30, 2012

Exodus 32: The Golden Calf that Aaron Made


Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Moses is gone for a LONG time. Forty days. A month and a half. Almost 6 weeks.

Back in these days, I would guess that the majority of people who disappeared for that long were probably assumed to be dead.

So the people go to Aaron, the second in command, and say, "Hey, that guy that was leading us disappeared. How about you get us a newer, shinier, better god?"

"Sure! That's a fun idea!" says Aaron. (Keep in mind that while this is happening, God, who knows everything that is happening everywhere, is telling Moses that Aaron and his sons are going to be his most holy priests.)

PARTY PEOPLE!
Aaron takes all the peoples' gold earrings and jewelry, melts it down, and sculpts a really nice golden calf for the people to worship. He builds an altar and they have a feast with burnt offerings and parties and dancing and playing.  I'm sure this "playing" is not wholesome family fun like egg tosses and potato sack racing.

God tells Moses what's going on down there and says, "These stubborn people are pissing me off to no end. They're dancing around a gold cow when I swear I just told them not to do things like that. You stay here. I have some smiting to do."

"No, please," says Moses. "If you burn them all up, then all that effort to get them out of Egypt was for nothing. Let me go down and deal with it." Moses takes his tablets and goes back down the mountain. He meets up with Joshua on the way down the mountain (he must have been one of the random people on Mount Sinai a few chapters back) and Joshua hears the noise below and mentions that it sounds like fighting.

"Oh, that's not fighting," says Moses. "That's a PARTY!"

Despite the fact that God warned him what was going on, warned him that it was bad enough to deserve a smiting, and that Moses knew what he was walking into voluntarily to deal with so that God wouldn't wipe everyone out, Moses sees this party and the calf and is so overcome with rage that he throws the tablets to the ground, destroying them. Then he burns the calf to ash, grinds the ash to dust, mixes it with water and makes everyone drink it.

"AARON!" yells Moses. "What the hell is going on down here?! Obviously this isn't your fault at all, so what did these people say to you to make you do this horrible thing?"

"Yeah!" says Aaron, "it was the people... they're just evil aren't they? They wanted a new god, so I told them to give me all their gold. I tossed it in the fire and BAM! This calf appeared! Yes! That's exactly what happened! And anyone who says differently is a big fat liar and will pay for saying otherwise. Got it?" he says, eying the crowd.

"But... why didn't you just tell them no?"

"Oh... well there's so many of them... and we really assumed you'd gotten eaten by a lion or something..."

Moses looks around and sees all the people are running wild and dancing about, so he yells out, "HEY! If you're following me and God, get over here now!" The sons of Levi come over to Moses.

"Each one of you get a sword," he says, "and kill your brothers, friends, and neighbors."

The sons of Levi go through the camp and kill 3000 people. This isn't all the people, just a small fraction really, but enough to make an impression. And maybe fewer than God was planning on smiting. Who knows. Regardless he thanks them and tells them that they're ordained for their service to the Lord and will get a blessing.

The next morning Moses calls everyone together. "You guys suck!" he yells. "Now I have to climb all the way back up that flipping mountain and apologize for your sorry asses. I will be back. Don't touch ANYTHING!"

Moses climbs back up the mountain. "Hey God, you were right. They were sinning and worshiping this cow... Aaron says it just popped up out of the fire, but I think he's lying. Please forgive them."

"I'm still in a smiting mood," says God. "But not a wholesale smiting. Just the guilty people. Go on back and get ready to lead them to the land I told you about. I'll punish you guys when I'm good and ready."

Exodus 32:35 And then the LORD sent a plague on the people, because they made the calf, the one that Aaron made.

But not Aaron. Aaron's still ok even though he made the calf and then lied about making it. He's so ok that he gets to be High Priest.


Friday, April 27, 2012

Exodus 25 - 31: God Does Interior and Fashion Design


This got a little long.  I tried to whittle it down while still giving the sense that God's details for all this is REALLY specific.  He gives a lot of measurements and instructions for how the curtains should be hung and details for decorative elements.  He micromanages.

"Guess what!" says God. "I thought up some more stuff I need you to do for me!"

"Um, alright," says Moses. "What do you need?"

"I want everyone to give me something so we can build a tabernacle and a whole lot of other stuff. Here is my wish list: gold, silver, bronze, blue, purple and red thread, twined linen, goat hair, tanned ram skins, goat hides, acacia wood (that stuff gets you crazy high), lamp oil, fragrant spices, onyx stones and other stones so we can make a breastplate.."

Moses writes all this down. "Ok," he says. "Anything else?"

"Oh I have really specific instructions," God says. "Have a seat."

"First of all," God starts off, "I'm giving you these tablets so they'll need a storage chest so no one drops them. Make this ark of acacia, all covered in gold, with some gold rings on the corners so you can put some poles through them to help people carry it since it's going to be really heavy and so holy that no one should touch it. For the lid, I want a mercy seat with a couple of angels facing each other. After that, you won't have to come all the way up this mountain any more. I'll just talk to you from there."

"I really appreciate that," says Moses.

"I also want an acacia table covered in gold, as well as a set of pure gold dishes. And I want a fancy gold lampstand with spots for seven candles. Oh, and we're going to need a really big tent... a tabernacle. It needs to have curtains made with that blue, purple and red thread and linen woven in a design with little angels on it, and a roof made of goat hair curtains, all held together with loops and bronze clasps. Make the frames and beams of acacia wood covered with gold, and the frames should sit on silver bases."

"Isn't that going to be really big?" asks Moses.

"Oh, I'm just getting started!" says God. "I want a blue, purple, and red veil with more angels on it separating the ark from the rest of the tabernacle. And a door screen from the front of the tabernacle made of more red, blue and purple all embroidered so it's pretty, with an acacia wood frame. Cover that frame with gold too. And we need an altar. Build that of acacia wood covered in bronze, with horns on all four corners of the top. Make some pots and utensils of bronze for it. And poles for carrying it and all that. Oh this is going to be awesome!"

"And really hard to travel with..."

"Oh there's more! We need a courtyard for the tabernacle, made of more of that cloth and bronze pillars and bases and silver hooks. And we need a lamp for Aaron and his sons to watch over all night every night, so we need oil."

"He's not going to like that," Moses says warily.

"We'll make him and his priests some nice clothes," says God. "A nice linen apron with those nice red, blue and purple threads. And in the middle of that, a gold breastplate set with stones. Two onyx stones engraved with Israel's 12 son's names in order, and then 12 gemstones all set in fancy gold settings, each carved with a name. We'll call it the Breastplate of Judgment! Aaron will like that! Set that breastplate in blue fabric and trim it in pomegranates and bells and colored fringe."

"Won't the pomegranates go bad?"

"Nah! I'm God. I'll take care of it. Get him a nice turban and attach a gold signet saying "Holy to the Lord" on his forehead. That way I remember not to kill him when he goes in to do all the holy stuff by the altar and ark. And get him a nice checkered coat and a sash. And his sons will get coats and sashes and caps. AND UNDERWEAR! Yes... long underwear. Can't go all dangling around under those robes."

"Oh underwear is a good idea," Moses says.

"Yeah, one of my better inventions right there. So we'll need a ritual for consecrating these priests. bring them their outfits, anoint them with oil, then sacrifice a bull while they lay their hands on its head. Rub the blood on the horns of the altar, pour the rest on the base, and burn the entrails and liver and kidneys with the fat on the altar, but drag the rest outside camp and burn it. Then kill a ram while everyone holds their hands on its head, splash the blood on the sides of the altar and then burn the whole thing on the altar. Then take ANOTHER ram and kill it and dab the blood on each of the priests right earlobes, on their right thumbs, and on their right big toes. Then splash the rest of the blood on the sides of the altar. Then take some of the blood on the altar, mix it with oil, and splash it on the priests and their new clothes."

"This sounds really messy," Moses says. "And frankly, horrifying.  The whole splashing blood all over the place thing is kind of freaking me out."

"I'm not done. From that second ram, take the fat and the long lobe of the liver and the kidneys and the right thigh, a loaf of bread, a cake of oil bread, and a wafer of unleavened bread, and put them in the priests hands and wave them around for a while. Then put them on the altar and burn it. Then wave the breast of the ram around for a while. That part is yours. The rest is for Aaron and his sons. Boil it in a holy place and then eat that and the bread. Burn any leftovers in the morning. Then burn a bull every day for seven days and I'll recognize them as priests. After that, just burn two lambs a day, along with some wine and oil and flour.  And I want incense and a table to burn it on, but it's ONLY for incense.  Nothing else on it.  I know this is a lot of furniture to lug around, but do it."

"This is expensive you know."

"Yeah.  We'll have to tax everyone a half a shekel every time we do a census.  Flat tax.  Now back to the stuff we need.  A bronze basin for washing up.  If you don't wash your hands and feet before you make an offering, I kill you.  And we need oil and incense.  Use the oil for anointing all the holy stuff and priests.  I think that's all the stuff we need."

"And who exactly is going to make all this?" asks Moses.

"Bezalel from the tribe of Judah is pretty good at building stuff.  Oholiab can help him out.  And everyone else can help with making clothes and candle holders and all that good stuff.  But remember to observe the Sabbath.  Work six days, rest on the seventh.  OH!  And I almost forgot.  Here are those stone tablets."

Moses sighs and picks up the tablets.  "Ok.  I better go down and get everyone working on this."

Monday, April 23, 2012

Exodus 23:20 - 24 Who's On Mt. Sinai?


After laying down the Ten Commandments and Other Random Rules of Conduct, God goes on. "I'm assigning an angel as a guide. He's in charge, so do what he says. Do that, and I'll smite all your enemies and bring you home. We'll wipe out a whole bunch of other tribes along the way, but don't be tempted to worship their gods or take on their customs. My rules only. Do that and the world is your oyster. But I'm going to wipe them out slowly. Not all at once.

"So, Moses go tell the people all this and then you and Aaron and your priests, come on up here."

"Wait... So the priests can come up now?  I thought they couldn't come up."

"Oh sure. Why not?  I'm just making this up as I go along."

Moses then goes and tells all the people what God told him.

"Yeah, that's a good deal," say the people.

Moses stays up all night writing all this down in the Book of Covenant, and then builds an altar and 12 pillars representing the 12 tribes of Israel. They burn some oxen as offerings and put half of the blood in bowls and splash the other half on the altar. Then he re-reads the Book, and they agree to it again. He seals the deal by splashing blood on them.

So Moses and Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and 70 priests and elders go back up the mountain - a guy who just a little bit ago couldn't hold his arms up for an extended time is now making repeated trips up and down a mountain. They see God, who invites them to dinner.

After dinner, God says to Moses, "Come up the mountain and I'll give you some stone tablets with all the rules on them."

"But... aren't we all already here on the mountain?  How much further up do I have to go? And didn't I just write it all down in that book last night?"

"Please stop asking questions. Just come MORE up the mountain and I'll give you the tablets."

Moses turns to his priests and says, "Wait here. Aaron and Hur are in charge in the meantime."

Moses goes into the cloud. To the people on the ground this all appears as a fire devouring the top of the mountain. Moses is there for 40 days and 40 nights. There are a LOT more rules to be told. So many that it takes a month and a half to get through them all.

This is not just a quick trip up to get some stone tablets like God said. This is like going to the store for a pack of smokes and some milk and coming back a month and a half later.  People start to wonder where you went and might just give you up for lost or dead...especially on a mountain top consumed by fire.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Exodus 19 - 23:19 Ten Commandments and 42 Other Rules No One Remembers


Three months after leaving Egypt, the Hebrews come to Mt. Sinai. The people camped at the bottom of the mountain while Moses went up for a strategy and planning meeting with God.

God says, "Listen. You need to go and remind these people all the bad stuff I brought down on the Egyptians, and that I brought them out of slavery and they need to listen to me and obey me. I'm going to lay down some rules and they're need to follow them. If they do that, they'll be my #1 holy people. If not... well..."

Moses goes down and tells the people what God said. "Yeah, no problem Moses," say the people.

Moses goes back up the mountain. "They said ok."

"Good," says God. "I'm going to appear to you as a thick cloud in a few days so the rest of the people can finally meet me. So tell everyone to wash up and consecrate themselves and be presentable. And tell the not to touch my mountain until I blow my trumpet, or I'll kill them right dead."

So everyone washes up and in three days a giant thundering cloud rolls down the mountain, scaring the heck out of everyone. Moses leads them all out to meed God.

"Stay here," he reminds everyone, and goes up to find out what to do next.

"Hey, Moses," says God. "Go get your priests and come back up here."

"But.... you said they can't come up or they'd die."

"Oh yeah. Well, go get Aaron then. But the priests and the people have to stay away." Moses goes back down the mountain.

And God lays down some rules:

1. NO other gods
2. NO worshiping idols or other graven images
3. NO taking my name in vain
4. NO working on the Sabbath
5. Honor your parents
6. NO killing (unless I say it's ok)
7. NO adultery
8. NO stealing
9. NO lying
10. NO wishing you had your neighbor's stuff

The people see all this as thunder and lightning and and trumpets and are terrified and stand far off from the mountain. They say to Moses, "Hey, you be the messenger. You go talk to God and come back and tell us what he says, but we want to stay right here. He's scary."

"No, no, really he's cool. He's just trying to scare you so you obey him."

"Yeah, we're staying here. You go," the people say. Moses (and I presume Aaron since God told him to go get him) go back up the mountain into the cloud to talk to God.

"Alright, listen up," says God. "There are more rules:
  1. No gods of silver or gold, like I said before;
  2. Make a rough stone altar for sacrifices everywhere that I reveal myself to you. But don't build steps up to it because I don't want you revealing yourself to me. I can see right up your robes;
  3. If you buy a slave, he is free after working for you for six years. If he's single when he starts, he should be single when he leaves. Same if he's married. If you give him a wife, and she has children, you get to keep the wife and children when he leaves. If he refuses to leave, you can keep him as your slave forever, but mark him by running an awl through his ear so people know;
  4. If someone sells their daughter as a slave, she won't be set free after six years. She better please her master; if not, he can sell her back. He can't sell her to foreigners though... that would be wrong. If he buys her for his son, treat her like your daughter. If he takes her as a wife and then gets another wife, you can't reduce her food or clothing or marital rights - if you don't do those three things, then she can leave;
  5. If you kill a man on purpose, then you die. But if it was my will for it to happen, then I'll appoint a place for you to flee. So "No killing unless I say it's ok." Such as...
  6. If you strike your mother or father, you die;
  7. If you steal a man and sell him, whoever is in possession of that man dies;
  8. If you curse your mother or father... again, you die;
  9. If you hit someone and severely injure them, you're responsible for making sure he gets better and covering his expenses while he's incapacitated;
  10. If you kill your slave, you shall be punished. But not if the slave lives a couple days and then dies. So if you need to kill a slave, make sure he suffers a few days;

  11. If you beat a pregnant woman so much that she miscarries, but she is otherwise ok, her husband can fine you. But if there is harm to her, then you shall pay likewise. So if the she dies, you die. If she is crippled, then that part of you gets crippled;
  12. If you beat a slave and he loses an eye or a tooth, he gets to go free. Remember that if you're slowly killing them in rule 10;
  13. If your ox kills someone, that animal needs to be killed and not eaten. The owner isn't liable beyond that unless that ox has been known to be vicious in the past. If that's the case, both the ox and the owner die. If the ox kills a slave, then the ox dies and you pay the slave's owner 30 shekels;
  14. If you dig a pit and someone else's animal falls in it, you pay for the animal but the animal is yours;
  15. If your ox kills someone else's ox, then you pay for it and you and the dead ox's owner share the meat. But if your ox was known to be vicious, then you don't get to share;
  16. If you steal an ox or sheep and eat it, then you owe that person more animals back - 5 ox for an ox or 4 sheep for a sheep;
  17. If someone breaks in your house at night and you kill him, it's ok. But if it happens during the day, you can't kill him. The thief need to pay restitution to you (and double if the stolen animal is found in his possession), but if he can't pay, you can sell the thief into slavery;
  18. If you let your animals eat someone else's crops, you need to pay for that;
  19. If you start a fire and it burns someone else's crops, you need to pay for that;
  20. If you have someone store or keep something for you and it's stolen and then found, then the thief shall pay double. If it isn't found, then the judges will have to sort it out;
  21. If you have a neighbor keeping your animals for you and they die or go missing, the person keeping the animals needs to swear that they didn't do anything wrong and the owner needs to accept that. But if it was stolen, he owes him double;
  22. If you borrow something and break it or it dies, then you pay the owner back;
  23. If you seduce a virgin and sleep with her, she's yours. You have to pay her father for her. If her father refuses to give her to you, then you still have to pay for her at whatever the going rate is for virgins;
  24. No sorcery or you die;
  25. Leave the sheep alone. You sleep with an animal, you die;
  26. No sacrifices to other gods;
  27. Be nice to strangers, widows, and fatherless children. If you're mean to them, I'll kill you;
  28. If you lend money to poor people, you can't charge them interest. If you take their robes or cloak as collateral, you need to return it to them at night. If they get cold because you didn't, then I'll know about it;
  29. Don't talk smack about me or your rulers;
  30. Sacrifices need to be made in a timely manner;
  31. Don't eat dead animals you find in the field;
  32. Don't lie in order to get someone out of trouble or into trouble;
  33. If you see an enemy's animals loose, return it. If you see an enemy's animal struggling under a burden, help it;
  34. Don't get involved in lies and rumors, and don't kill innocent people. Wait... I think I already said that. I'm starting to repeat myself...
  35. Be nice to travelers and immigrants;
  36. Rotate your crops. Plant a field for six years and then let it rest for a year. Let poor people eat what they can find there;
  37. Work six days, rest on the seventh;
  38. Make no mention of the names of other gods;
  39. Have three feasts a year. You have the Feast of Unleavened Bread, Feast of the Harvest at the beginning of the harvest, and Feast of the Ingathering at the end of the harvest;
  40. No offering blood sacrifices with anything leavened, and don't leave fat from feasts out overnight;
  41. I get the best offerings at the start of the harvest;
  42. And finally... don't boil a young goat in its mother's milk."
"Is that it?" asks Moses.

"For now."

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Exodus 16 - 18: You'll Eat It and You'll Like It


So they walk. And they walk more.

They start to run low on food, and again, the people turn to Moses and said, "You brought us out here to die! This is all your fault!"

Moses asks God what to do and he tells him, "Alright I'll make bread come down from the sky. Everyone needs to go and get a day's worth every morning. And on the sixth day, get enough for two days."

Moses tells this to the people and adds, "Guys, I'm not really in charge here. God is. So if you're complaining against me, your really complaining against him. So watch your mouth, ok?"

That evening God sends a ton of quail and they have a lovely quail roast for dinner.

In the morning, when the dew evaporates, there's powdery white stuff on the ground. It looks like coriander, but tastes like honey wafers. But still, it's white stuff on the ground and not what people would usually think of as food.

The people look at it suspiciously. "What the heck is this?"

"Oh, that's manna," says Moses. "Eat up. But don't leave any of it on the ground."

The people took some of it but left some on the ground, and as the day wore on it grew worms and stank.

"Folks," Moses says, "You really, really need to follow directions here. You're starting to piss me off."

On the sixth day he reminds them to gather what they need for the seventh day, and prepare it so that they won't have to do anything on the seventh day. "This seventh day is a Sabbath," says Moses. "No working. None. Really important."

Regardless, on the seventh day the people went out to look for the food. And God yelled at Moses, "Your people are really horrible at listening. I told you to tell them to not work today!"

"I know! I know! I'm trying, I swear."

Aaron put some manna in a jar and put it on the altar as a souvenir and reminder of their journey. The people ate manna for 40 years. It's like God's People Chow.

So they walk. And they walk some more.

They run out of water and the people start to complain again. "You brought us out here to die! This is all your fault!"

"I told you to quit complaining!" says Moses. "But let me check."

"God," he says, "They're ready to stone me. I need water, now."

"See that big rock over there? Go whack it with your staff and water will come out of it."

Moses whacks the rock and everyone gets a drink. Problem solved.

While they were there, Amalek (a band of wandering nomads, possibly one of Esau's grandsons) attacks them. Moses gives orders, "Get some people to fight. Aaron, Hur, and I going to go stand on that hill over there with my magic God stick."

Sadly, there is no Guinness Record for holding your arms up
The Israelis fight while Moses watches. Moses raises his stick and Israel starts winning. He lowers his stick and the Amalekites start winning. He does this for a while. At first it's kind of fun but then his arms get tired. So Moses sits down on a rock and Aaron and Hur hold his arms up for him until they win the battle.

God says, "Write this story down and we'll blot out the memory of Amalek forever."

"Wait, how is writing if down going to blot out the memory of Amalek? Wouldn't that work better if we didn't write it down? Besides, my arms are tired."

"Stop asking questions!"

Moses builds an altar and says, "The Lord will have war with Amalek forever and ever, throughout our generations!" (Which isn't exactly blotting out anyone's memory either.)

At some point that isn't entirely clear, Moses's wife Zipporah took their two sons and went back to her father, Jethro. But Jethro hears all about Moses's successes getting the people out of Egypt and he and Zipporah and the boys travel out to meet him. They spend some time catching up and sacrifice some burnt offerings and eat manna.

In the morning Moses sat to deal out judgements to the people. Jethro says, "That's a big job for one person. Why are you doing this all alone?"

"God told me to," says Moses. "People have a conflict or a question and they come to me and ask what God wants and I help them sort it out."

"That's ridiculous!" says Jethro. "You should find some trustworthy men, teach them the statutes and God's word, and then let them be representatives. They can decide all the silly trivial stuff and you just handle the big important things."

"That's a GREAT idea!" says Moses. So he sets up a system of representatives to lighten the burden of all the judging. Jethro stays for a while and then goes home.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Exodus 12 - 15: I said, "or ELSE!"


God tells Moses and Aaron that this is pretty much a new beginning for them, a whole new era.

"On the tenth of this month, everyone needs to get themselves a perfect male lamb." God says. "And on the fourteenth of the month, everyone needs to kill their lamb at twilight. Put the blood on the door posts and above the door, then roast the lamb up with its head and innards and eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. Oh, and eat it wearing your belt and with your sandals on and while you're holding your staff in your hand. And eat it really fast. I'm going to come and kill the first born son of anyone who isn't doing this, so if you're doing it I'll pass over your house... so we're calling it Passover."

God goes on. "This is going to be a tradition we do every year, forever. For seven days you're going to only eat unleavened bread, so on the first day, get all the leavened stuff out of the house, just in case, because if you eat it you're cut off from Israel. The first day and the seventh day are both holy, so no work should be done except for making food if you need it."

Moses passes the information on to the rest of the Hebrews and they get ready with their lambs and blood and bread.

And sure enough at midnight of the Passover, God comes and smites all the first born of all the Egyptians.

Finally Pharaoh comes to his senses and says, "Ok get the hell out. But bless me first."

They pack up quickly, and ask the Egyptians for jewelry and clothing and the Egyptians give it to them. At this point there are about 6000 men, plus women, children, livestock, and a "mixed multitude" of non-Israeli camp followers.  They only have unleavened bread because even after ten plagues and constant begging to be allowed to leave, they haven't prepared any provisions for the trip.

So after 430 years, the Israelis leave Egypt. God tells Moses a few additional rules: Passover is only for you and slaves of your household. No foreigners or uncircumcised people. Though if there's a stranger with you who really wants to, that's fine as long as he's circumcised first. And all first borns are mine, whether man or beast. I get the first born male of all the animals, though every first born of a donkey you need to redeem with a lamb. If you can't do that, you need to break the donkey's neck. Sons need to be redeemed too.

God doesn't take them on a direct route back since that would mean going through the land of the Philistines and he doens't want them freaking out about wars and fighting and running back to Egypt. So he takes them on the scenic route, via the Red Sea, leading them with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. They come out of Egypt fully equipped for battle, with Joseph's bones in tow since they promised to bring those along, too.

They get to the sea and God tells Moses to make camp, facing the water. "I have one last trick for Pharaoh," he says.

Pharaoh doesn't seem to have really good short term memory skills regarding the reason the multiple plagues were brought down on them and the fact that everyone's first born son is now dead. "Hey," he thinks. "Did we just let all our slaves go? What a dope I am!" So they all hop in their chariots and chase them down.

The Israelis see them coming and say to Moses (for the first of many times to come), "You brought us out here to die! This is all your fault!"
It's a long movie but this is a good part.

"No! Watch!" says Moses. "God is going to save us."

"Dude," says God. "Don't cry to me. Tell your people to move forward, lift that magic staff up, and part the sea."

"Seriously? I can do that?"

"Yes. Get a move on. The Egyptians will chase you and then when you're safely across.... BAM!"

The pillar that is leading them all moves behind them to block the Egyptians and Moses lifts his staff and parts the sea.

The Israelis rush through the gap easily, but the Egyptians get all bogged down and their horses and soldiers panic and want to go back.

God tells Moses, "Ok.... NOW!"

Moses raises his staff and the waters rush back in, drowning the Egyptian army.

"Awesome," says Moses. "We can go home now, right?"

"Um... sure," says God.

Moses and the people sing a song to God, led by Aaron's sister, Miriam the prophetess and her tambourine.

The next morning they travel on and for three days they find no water. And when they do find it, it's bitter and foul tasting.

The people have already had enough. "You brought us out here to die," they say to Moses. "This is all your fault!"

"God, what now?" asks Moses. God shows Moses a log and Moses tosses it into the water. The water became good to drink.  Barberry wood will make brackish water taste better.

 God told them, "Listen. If you follow the rules I set down for you, do what is right in my eyes, and just TRY to have a little faith, then you won't get any of the diseases and afflictions that the Egyptians get."

They walk a little further and find a nice place called Elim with 12 fresh springs and 70 palm trees and set up camp.