"These burnt offerings are going
to be pretty messy," says Moses.
"Yeah, they are," says God.
"There are going to be a lot of ashes and charred meat and
stuff. I have a plan for what to do with this.
"So back to the burnt offering...
that needs to burn all night. In the morning, Aaron will need to put
on his priestly robes and undies, gather up the ashes, then change
into some different clothes and haul that mess out of camp and dump
it in a clean place. The priest that made the offering can keep the
hide. Keep that fire on the altar going 24/7 to burn all the burnt
offerings and peace offerings. That fire cannot ever go out. Ever."
"What about when we pack it all up
for traveling?"
 |
| Aw... sadness pancakes... |
"That's your problem. And for the
grain offering, like I said before, Aaron takes a handful of grain
and mixes it with oil and frankincense and burns that. Then he and
his sons can make unleavened bread with the rest. When Aaron and his
sons are anointed, he should take a tenth of an ephah (approximately a half gallon dry measure)
of flour a day and burn it in a skillet with oil. Don't eat that
though. Burned pancakes aren't very good."
"Even when they're not burned, unleavened pancakes aren't
very good," says Moses.
"Yeah, I know. So for the sin offerings,
the priest that made the offering can eat that. Anything that he
sprinkled blood on has to be washed in a holy place. If it was
boiled in a earthenware bowl, you have to destroy that bowl. More
economical would be to use a bronze dish... you can just wash that.
All the priests can eat the sin offerings, unless the blood was
brought into the tabernacle. Then you can't eat it."
"Why not?" asks Moses.
"What's the difference?"
"Because I said so!" yells
God. "Ok and the guilt offering. These are very holy. Splash
the blood, burn all the fat entrails and the tail. The priests can
eat the rest with the same rules as the sin offering."
"Peace offerings... you know, I
said before that they needed to be animals, but I think I'm going to
suddenly include grain in this category. I'm God. I do what I want.
Bring some bread for the priest that's going to throw the blood
around for you. If it's a peace offering of thanksgiving, it has to
be eaten that same day. If it's for a vow or a freewill sacrifice,
you can have leftovers the next day, but burn all the rest on the
third day. Refrigeration won't be around for a while yet. Leftovers
don't keep in the desert."
"Oh food poisoning is bad," Moses says, "Once I ate a shrimp that sat in the sun too long..."
"Oh I have plenty to say about shrimp later. Anyhow, if any of this flesh touches
something unclean, it's tainted and needs to be burned. Only clean
people can touch the sacrifices. If someone unclean touches the
sacrifice or eats it, they are CUT OFF from the rest of the group. Done! Gone! Out of the club! Exiled!"
"That's pretty harsh, says Moses.
"And random."
"That's how I roll. And now other
random rules about peace offerings just popped into my head. You can
wave the offerings around. Wave the breast of the animal in the air
and then Aaron and the priests will burn the fat and keep the breast
and the right thigh of the animal for themselves. This needs to
happen forever, until the end of time, so Aaron and his family can
continue to be my priests. So now, let me tell you how we're going
to get them all consecrated up and make it official."
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