Abraham and Sarah pack up again and travel to Gerar. Again, Abraham tells Sarah to pretend she's his sister. And yet again, the king comes and takes Sarah away (because 90 year old women are totally hot). Before the king does anything with her, God comes to him and lets him in on the truth that Sarah is married to Abraham and suggests he return her to Abraham. Or sleep with her and die. His choice.
The king calls Abraham over and tells him he knows that Sarah's his wife and asks, "Why did you tell me that she's your sister?"
"Because this is a godless place and I thought you'd kill me so you could take her for your own. And besides..."
*drum roll*
"She is my half sister from my father."
In the same way that this worked out pretty well for Abraham in Egypt, he benefits again. The king gives him oxen and sheep and male and female slaves, and 1000 silver pieces, calls the whole thing even, and tells them they are welcomed to stay as long as they would like.
Just as God promised, Sarah gives birth to Isaac. There is much rejoicing. But Sarah doesn't like Hagar and Ishmael hanging around enjoying the festivities, so she tells Abraham to kick them out. He's a little disappointed, but God says to do it too. Abraham gives her some provisions and sends her off to wander the forests. God protects them and they survive.
The king and Abraham have a disagreement about a well, but they get it settled, and then the king goes back home anyway.
A while passes and God decides to put Abraham to the ultimate test. He tells Abraham to take his only son and BURN him as an offering to God. Alright technically it's not his only son... he kicked the first one out to wander the wilderness with his mother. But I digress.
Abraham has questioned God in the past. He asked for proof that this land would belong to his descendants forever. He laughed when he was told Sarah would get pregnant. He questioned God's decision to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and negotiated terms for destruction of the cities.
But this request to kill and burn his son inexplicably goes completely unchallenged.
No. To this, Abraham says, "Hey Isaac! Wanna go for a donkey ride? C'mon! Let's go!"
They ride off with a couple of servants and a pile of wood so they can have a nice sacrificial fire. They ride for a few days and come to a good spot. He tells the servants, "You guys wait here by this rock with the donkey. We're going to go... pray... over there behind those bushes. You stay here no matter what you hear. No peeking. I mean it."
Right about now Isaac notices that something is up and asks, "Hey Dad... we brought wood for the burnt offering but didn't we forget the lamb?"
"Oh... yeah... Um. God will have a lamb waiting for us when we get there!"
"Wow, Dad! God sure is terrific!"
"Yeah. Yeah, he's a heck of a guy..."
He builds and altar, piles the wood up, then ties up his son and tosses the kid up on top. He is JUST about to slit his son's throat when God yells out, "DUDE! STOP!"
"God, you scared me! What?"
"Don't kill your son. Seriously, I just wanted to see if you actually would do it. Here. Burn this goat instead."
Abraham looks over and there's a goat with its horns stuck in a shrub. Abraham burns the goat instead of his son and names this place, "The Lord will provide." I can think of a lot of other names for this place, like, "The place where the Lord messed with my head." Or "The spot where my child was scarred for life."
God's love and trust is not unconditional.
God again blesses Abraham and tells him again that his offspring will be numerous and powerful and blessed because he obeyed his voice. He also informs him that his brother Nahor has had eight children with his wife and four more kids with his concubine.
Sarah lives to be 127 and dies in Hebron. Abraham asks the locals for a place to bury her and Ephron offers a nice cave to the east of Hebron. Abraham asks, "How much?"
Ephron answers, "Aw, just take it. It's fine."
"No, really. I insist. How much?"
"It's worth 400 shekels of silver but seriously, you can have it for free."
Abraham give him the money and buys the cave and the field and the nice trees all around it and buries Sarah there.
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