Exodus 12 - 15: I said, "or ELSE!"

God tells Moses and Aaron that this is pretty much a new beginning for them, a whole new era.

"On the tenth of this month, everyone needs to get themselves a perfect male lamb." God says. "And on the fourteenth of the month, everyone needs to kill their lamb at twilight. Put the blood on the door posts and above the door, then roast the lamb up with its head and innards and eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. Oh, and eat it wearing your belt and with your sandals on and while you're holding your staff in your hand. And eat it really fast. I'm going to come and kill the first born son of anyone who isn't doing this, so if you're doing it I'll pass over your house... so we're calling it Passover."

God goes on. "This is going to be a tradition we do every year, forever. For seven days you're going to only eat unleavened bread, so on the first day, get all the leavened stuff out of the house, just in case, because if you eat it you're cut off from Israel. The first day and the seventh day are both holy, so no work should be done except for making food if you need it."

Moses passes the information on to the rest of the Hebrews and they get ready with their lambs and blood and bread.

And sure enough at midnight of the Passover, God comes and smites all the first born of all the Egyptians.

Finally Pharaoh comes to his senses and says, "Ok get the hell out. But bless me first."

They pack up quickly, and ask the Egyptians for jewelry and clothing and the Egyptians give it to them. At this point there are about 6000 men, plus women, children, livestock, and a "mixed multitude" of non-Israeli camp followers.  They only have unleavened bread because even after ten plagues and constant begging to be allowed to leave, they haven't prepared any provisions for the trip.

So after 430 years, the Israelis leave Egypt. God tells Moses a few additional rules: Passover is only for you and slaves of your household. No foreigners or uncircumcised people. Though if there's a stranger with you who really wants to, that's fine as long as he's circumcised first. And all first borns are mine, whether man or beast. I get the first born male of all the animals, though every first born of a donkey you need to redeem with a lamb. If you can't do that, you need to break the donkey's neck. Sons need to be redeemed too.

God doesn't take them on a direct route back since that would mean going through the land of the Philistines and he doens't want them freaking out about wars and fighting and running back to Egypt. So he takes them on the scenic route, via the Red Sea, leading them with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. They come out of Egypt fully equipped for battle, with Joseph's bones in tow since they promised to bring those along, too.

They get to the sea and God tells Moses to make camp, facing the water. "I have one last trick for Pharaoh," he says.

Pharaoh doesn't seem to have really good short term memory skills regarding the reason the multiple plagues were brought down on them and the fact that everyone's first born son is now dead. "Hey," he thinks. "Did we just let all our slaves go? What a dope I am!" So they all hop in their chariots and chase them down.

The Israelis see them coming and say to Moses (for the first of many times to come), "You brought us out here to die! This is all your fault!"

It's a long movie but this is a good part.

"No! Watch!" says Moses. "God is going to save us."

"Dude," says God. "Don't cry to me. Tell your people to move forward, lift that magic staff up, and part the sea."

"Seriously? I can do that?"

"Yes. Get a move on. The Egyptians will chase you and then when you're safely across.... BAM!"

The pillar that is leading them all moves behind them to block the Egyptians and Moses lifts his staff and parts the sea.

The Israelis rush through the gap easily, but the Egyptians get all bogged down and their horses and soldiers panic and want to go back.

God tells Moses, "Ok.... NOW!"

Moses raises his staff and the waters rush back in, drowning the Egyptian army.

"Awesome," says Moses. "We can go home now, right?"

"Um... sure," says God.

Moses and the people sing a song to God, led by Aaron's sister, Miriam the prophetess and her tambourine.

The next morning they travel on and for three days they find no water. And when they do find it, it's bitter and foul tasting.

The people have already had enough. "You brought us out here to die," they say to Moses. "This is all your fault!"

"God, what now?" asks Moses. God shows Moses a log and Moses tosses it into the water. The water became good to drink.  Barberry wood will make brackish water taste better.

 God told them, "Listen. If you follow the rules I set down for you, do what is right in my eyes, and just TRY to have a little faith, then you won't get any of the diseases and afflictions that the Egyptians get."

They walk a little further and find a nice place called Elim with 12 fresh springs and 70 palm trees and set up camp.