Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
Moses is gone for a LONG time. Forty
days. A month and a half. Almost 6 weeks.
Back in these days, I would guess that
the majority of people who disappeared for that long were probably
assumed to be dead.
So the people go to Aaron, the second
in command, and say, "Hey, that guy that was leading us disappeared. How about you get us a newer, shinier, better
god?"
"Sure! That's a fun idea!"
says Aaron. (Keep in mind that while this is happening, God, who
knows everything that is happening everywhere, is telling Moses that Aaron and his sons
are going to be his most holy priests.)
 |
| PARTY PEOPLE! |
Aaron takes all the peoples' gold
earrings and jewelry, melts it down, and sculpts a really nice golden
calf for the people to worship. He builds an altar and they have a
feast with burnt offerings and parties and dancing and playing. I'm sure this "playing" is not wholesome family fun like egg tosses and potato sack racing.
God tells Moses what's going on down
there and says, "These stubborn people are pissing me off to no
end. They're dancing around a gold cow when I swear I just told them
not to do things like that. You stay here. I have some smiting to
do."
"No, please," says Moses.
"If you burn them all up, then all that effort to get them out
of Egypt was for nothing. Let me go down and deal with it."
Moses takes his tablets and goes back down the mountain. He meets up
with Joshua on the way down the mountain (he must have been one of the random people on Mount
Sinai a few chapters back) and Joshua hears the noise below and
mentions that it sounds like fighting.
"Oh, that's not fighting,"
says Moses. "That's a PARTY!"
Despite the fact that God warned him
what was going on, warned him that it was bad enough to deserve a
smiting, and that Moses knew what he was walking into voluntarily to
deal with so that God wouldn't wipe everyone out, Moses sees this
party and the calf and is so overcome with rage that he throws the
tablets to the ground, destroying them. Then he burns the calf to
ash, grinds the ash to dust, mixes it with water and makes everyone
drink it.
"AARON!" yells Moses. "What
the hell is going on down here?! Obviously this isn't your fault at
all, so what did these people say to you to make you do this horrible
thing?"
"Yeah!" says Aaron, "it
was the people... they're
just evil aren't they? They wanted a new god, so I told them to give
me all their gold. I tossed it in the fire and BAM! This calf
appeared! Yes! That's exactly what happened! And anyone who says
differently is a big fat liar and will pay for saying otherwise. Got it?"
he says, eying the crowd.
"But...
why didn't you just tell them no?"
"Oh...
well there's so many of them... and we really assumed you'd gotten
eaten by a lion or something..."
Moses
looks around and sees all the people are running wild and dancing about, so he yells
out, "HEY! If you're following me and God, get over here now!"
The sons of Levi come over to Moses.
"Each
one of you get a sword," he says, "and kill your brothers,
friends, and neighbors."
The
sons of Levi go through the camp and kill 3000 people. This isn't
all the people, just a small fraction really, but enough to make an
impression. And maybe fewer than God was planning on smiting. Who
knows. Regardless he thanks them and tells them that they're
ordained for their service to the Lord and will get a blessing.
The
next morning Moses calls everyone together. "You guys suck!"
he yells. "Now I have to climb all the way back up that
flipping mountain and apologize for your sorry asses. I will be
back. Don't touch ANYTHING!"
Moses
climbs back up the mountain. "Hey God, you were right. They
were sinning and worshiping this cow... Aaron says it just popped up
out of the fire, but I think he's lying. Please forgive them."
"I'm
still in a smiting mood," says God. "But not a wholesale
smiting. Just the guilty people. Go on back and get ready to lead
them to the land I told you about. I'll punish you guys when I'm
good and ready."
Exodus 32:35 And then the LORD sent
a plague on the people, because they made the calf, the one that
Aaron made.
But
not Aaron. Aaron's still ok even though he made the calf and
then lied about making it. He's so ok that he gets to be High
Priest.
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